CLUELESS

Photo Credit: Google Images

Photo Credit: Google Images

That moment when you don’t know what to do. You can’t think of any other things but of the only thing that lingers in your heart – the joy and the pain. The joy of seeing him, and the pain that you feel when he doesn’t say a word or even look at you.

It’s sometimes best to ask first before jumping into conclusions, but sometimes, it’s the hardest thing to do. And I, myself, am guilty of this.

The pain that lingers deep is the pain that you feel when you know you’re the one to blame, that you did it first, then he just did the same thing to you. But how would you deal with it? As if you have any option.

Cease your feelings. Because feelings make things complicated. That advice, so far is the best advice I’ve taken. Sadly,that doesn’t work for me. If I’m going to cease my feelings, I, myself, have to disappear from my object of affection. (been there, done that – 6 years ago)

Don’t think of it. That is the second best. Sadly, my mind can’t stop thinking of what my heart feels. The pain is there. It lingers, like a belly fat to an obese kid.

Let Go. That is one of my biggest flaw. I can’t let go that fast, and that easy. It takes a lot of pain before I can let go. It may look like that I’m already done when I’m still attached to it. I’m good at bottling up emotions, and sometimes the face that I put up isn’t the emotion I’m feeling. I can still laugh when I’m sad, though it will show in my eyes.

So if you’re clueless of what do to with the pain you’re feeling, don’t ask me, cause right now, I’m clueless.

What I do right now?
I listen to the ultimate heart break songs I know
I talk to my friends
I cry and let it out
I blog as my outlet
I write to express what and how I feel
I sigh deeply
I can’t stop thinking about him. (darn)

Now I am clueless and I’m asking myself “Is it better to exist and annoy him or just throw myself into the sea and cease to exist”?

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