Hey folks, Been sometime since I last wrote a blog. It’s been three weeks since I stumble and fell to the ground. Let me tell the story first.
It was a Tuesday night. I was rushing off to work. I rode a jeepney, since the jeepney was full of passengers, I can barely sit. I almost had my upper body just hanging. The important thing for me is to arrive at work. Being rushed to work, as I came down the jeepney, I walked rushing. Though I was wearing flat slippers that time, the tired muscles on my feet made my lower body unstable. That caused me to stumble and fall. But before that, when I knew I was about to fall and hit the ground, I struggled on saving myself, trying not to fall. I prevented the fall, but I failed. My left knee was wounded, and my slacks was torn by the impact. I stood fast, not looking back at the people behind me that murmured. I walked as if nothing happened. While riding at a tricycle, I felt the pain on my knee, then there I just noticed that my knee was bleeding. I rushed to a store and bought a first aid medicine. The following day, I was about to get a laptop, but I was not able to do so, because of the incident. I was not able to go to work for two days, because of my injured wounded knee. I was not able to see him because of my knee also.
Then days have passed and I did a flashback of everything that happened, why it happened, etc.,I was able to recall the very first thought that came to my mind after that fall, which is “Something isn’t right. Something must be wrong”. And that wrong is what I was thinking.
Days have passed. I put medicine to my wounded knee each and every day, waiting for it to heal so I may walk straight again, and so that I may be able to run again.
Two weeks ago, I was walking down the street, still trying to figure out what could this mean. Why did this happen? And then, I did a flashback and there were some lessons that I was able to get from what happened.
FIRST. – You can’t rush and you can’t run away from love.
I was rushing, I was in a hurry when I tripped over my slippers and fell off the ground. If I only walked carefully, this might not have happened.
SECOND. – Don’t struggle not to fall. Just let it.
What made my fall harder, is that I go against it. I tried not to fall, causing the impact to be more damaging, that even my slacks were torn in the knee area.
THIRD. – Sometimes, being your own hero doesn’t apply. You need someone to catch you. I may have struggled not to fall, but that didn’t prevent my fall, that just delayed it. Hence, if there is someone who was there to catch me, I will not end up wounded. I will not be hurt.
So there are some things that I have learned, and here is the deeper thoughts that I had.
This happened six years ago ( I hope he doesn’t read this!) Six years ago, I fell for a guy, he was also my friend, my good friend, almost close to being a bestfriend. By the time that I felt that I was close to falling for him, and while I was not feeling that he doesn’t feel the same way, I disappeared one day. I thought it would prevent me from falling, that was the struggle, but that fall gave me wound, though I stood up fast, I moved on (as people see) having a different work, different environment, I carried pain everyday. It took me three years to move on totally. I had to treat each day like I was a wounded warrior, that after I fought not to fall, I was a failure. My heart had a scar back then, I was afraid to get close to anyone I love, because of the fear that it might happen again.
Years have passed, that wound healed. By the time I was ready to love again, I met a guy. And that guy was just the laptop that I was not able to get because I was wounded. I was just thankful that I met him in a perfect time. Before that fall happened to me, I was scared to get close to him, although I can be his friend anytime, and he can be my friend anytime, I distanced myself, I held back because I was too afraid that the past may happen again.
Well, yes, past repeats itself, but what if it doesn’t?