A heart-shaped cloud

“Love the heart that loves your heart” by Pam.  She doodled the words at the back of her notebook as she woke up that morning.

That morning that I’ll never forget. Well, it’s our first anniversary. By the way, my name is Drew. I’m Pam’s boyfriend. A bit nerdy type, yes, that’s who I am, but me and Pam get well together, maybe because she’s a cousin from the geek world. Well.. how did we celebrate our 1st anniversary? We climb up that mountain that she had been saying for months, and seriously, we had a great great time.

Everything seems fine as days go by except for one friday afternoon. Her friend Chelsea called me and said Pam is rushed to the hospital. I was alarmed. As I arrived, everything seems to be fine and under control. The doctor said Pam has to undergo several check-ups so she had to stay at the hospital.

Well, it’s not the first time that she was admitted to the hospital, there were several times back then. But this instance is really different, I can feel it in my nerves. I wrote her words of encouragement, get well soon cards, flowers, anything that could express my love for her.

Chelsea called me and said Pam already got home. I asked her the result of the physical examination, she said everything is good and I need not to worry. But then, everything in her mind seems to be the opposite of what she told me.

One day, as I pick her up for a street date, she threw back my stuff and she acted like crazy. We had a dialogue. She told me she can no longer be with me. She said it’s not me but her, yes, that typical line. I had the hint that she might think that I no longer wanted to be with her because she’s sick, but deep inside me, she never knew that I wanted to protect and care for her. But I did respect her decision. And at the end of our conversation, she broke up with me. I felt devastated. But I had the hope that maybe she just wanted space and maybe her mind will change in a day or two — but it didn’t.

I was sleepless that night. I reminisce the moments we’ve been through. I made up my mind, the next morning, I’ll come to her and I’ll fix this. I had to stand by her side through thick and thin. On my way to their home, I saw an ambulance. It was Pam. She was rushed to the hospital. My heart kept pounding hard. As we arrived, there were no sign of life in her. She had a heart attack. I couldn’t feel my knees at that moment. Tears fell from my eyes as I read a letter that her mother gave me. They found a letter beside her bed. She apologized that she broke up with me, and for breaking my heart. She said she had the feeling that she’s running out of time and that she might leave earth in 5 days. But she didn’t know that she just lasted 2 days. She revealed that she was diagnosed with a heart problem, and the doctor said that she might die of joy or pain. Either two can kill her. She chose pain. She broke up with me cause she thought that would make me hate her, so it will be easier for me to accept that she’s gone. Those were the subject of the letter.

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At the end, there were few lines that almost break my heart, it says – I love you with all my heart. Sorry I have to leave soon. I can’t help but cry.

Days later, I was at the cemetery. I visited her. There was a message in her tomb that says “Love the heart that loves your heart” and again, tears fell from my eyes. As I look up at the sky, I saw a heart-shaped cloud.

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A heart-shaped cloud

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