And she walked
In the rain
Attache case all packed
She’s ready to go
The sound of your voice
is like a drug to my soul
I so long to hear everytime
Our eyes were so connected
Before we knew we’re intoxicated
We’re already infected
You’re absence is so devouring my strength
It had got me conquered
Though I never wanted another
And in my youth if I love you
Will you promise to not leave me
When I’m old and lonely?
If I give you everything
Will you share a smile each morning?
Will you kiss me each evening we see?
Walk like a Queen
Dress like a Slave
Work like a Princess
Looking forward for her Crown Jewel
A poem by: Maria Elena Bitare
Hey there, I just miss you
More than anyone else, I do
Do you miss me too?
I can’t feel you move
You waved, I smile
On the television, miles apart
I can remember our start
How loved I am that night
Our hearts had grown together
We wished this love will last forever
Til every sunset last
To cherish love in each other’s heart
Recently, me and my special someone celebrated our first anniversary.
On Saturday, we are on the same place, but not together. For some reason, he didn’t travel back with me. He came with his friends. I was hurt when he just sent a text that he’s not going with me, as if I was his mother. He didn’t even ask if it’s okay with me.
The devastation began. On my way home, I was crying the entire night. To the point that I didn’t care what might people think of me. I needed to let it out.
The following morning, I sent him a sarcastic text with the word “Mr. Selfish”. I thought he was selfish when he didn’t go with me. The reason – it was the only time when we can talk. We were both busy and it was the only time. Yet it passed. He said sorry right after I sent him the text.
I was embarrassed the whole day. That night, I was walking alone. I told him that I’m still upset.
While walking, I was realizing some things as if my conscience is talking to me. I asked myself if I still love him and I said yes. “Then forgive him” my conscience speaks. I suddenly realized things and concluded that I am the one being selfish.
I was devastated when I realized that there were times when he came home alone. Yet I didn’t hear anything from him.
“Don’t leave the person who didn’t leave you in a “literally” heavy storm, just because he failed to come home with you” – my conscience said.
Right then and there, reconciliation happened. We were okay. It pays to not complain much, isn’t it?
I’ve known a girl. She was jolly, easy to get along with, light-hearted. Her name is Jahzeel. She said her parents got her name as a combination of theirs. Her father’s name is Jasper, her mother’s Ziele.
“That’s how they thought of your name?” I said
She just nodded.
“Your name is a beautiful one” I added
She just smiled.
She has a boyfriend. Not her first in her entire life. He was her second boyfriend. She said she was not serious about her first boyfriend, that’s why after a month, they broke up.
Her present boyfriend’s name is Gerald. They get along well, according to her. Then she began to tell a story. They had been together for almost 3 years. It was their 33rd monthsary. I mean, they had been 2 years and 9 months when a day came.
It was that morning when she never wanted to wake up. A news came to her. The words she never wanted to hear. Gerald was riding a motor with his best-friend, Jay, when they were hit by a truck. His best-friend luckily survived, but Gerald was dead on the spot. He didn’t make it to the hospital. She wanted to collapse. But she didn’t. She just wished it was all a nightmare.
Until the day of the funeral, she had been crying all along. There was nobody she can talk to about the pain that lingers in her heart. Not because nobody was there, but, it was way too deep to put into words.
Weeks pass by. Not a single word she can utter.
Then there was a day when she was asked to sing on stage. Because she used to sing before. She was a talented girl – that she might have forgotten because of the pain in her heart.
She let it out. As she sang the song “My Immortal” tears began to flow, not only in her eyes, but in everyone’s eyes for they know what had happened to her.
A year had passed by. I saw her in-front of Gerald’s grave. Seems like she was talking to him while she was wearing a black dress. Like the color she wear everyday. Black.
Years have passed by, she remained that way. I said to myself “She became a goth”
A Poem by: Maria Elena Bitare
I don’t know how to feel right now
I need a bottle of wine served upside down
Cause I no longer feel the spark
It’s like we’re still us but we’re not
Will you be gone tomorrow or it’s just me?
But I couldn’t help but feel this pain intensely
Will I let you go or just still hold on?
Will I endure the pain or just move on?
A Poem by: Maria Elena Bitare
Some unpublished thoughts I read
Written on the notebook beside my bed
Those thoughts that were once in my head
Just a part of the memory that you left
“Love the heart that loves your heart” by Pam. She doodled the words at the back of her notebook as she woke up that morning.
That morning that I’ll never forget. Well, it’s our first anniversary. By the way, my name is Drew. I’m Pam’s boyfriend. A bit nerdy type, yes, that’s who I am, but me and Pam get well together, maybe because she’s a cousin from the geek world. Well.. how did we celebrate our 1st anniversary? We climb up that mountain that she had been saying for months, and seriously, we had a great great time.
Everything seems fine as days go by except for one friday afternoon. Her friend Chelsea called me and said Pam is rushed to the hospital. I was alarmed. As I arrived, everything seems to be fine and under control. The doctor said Pam has to undergo several check-ups so she had to stay at the hospital.
Well, it’s not the first time that she was admitted to the hospital, there were several times back then. But this instance is really different, I can feel it in my nerves. I wrote her words of encouragement, get well soon cards, flowers, anything that could express my love for her.
Chelsea called me and said Pam already got home. I asked her the result of the physical examination, she said everything is good and I need not to worry. But then, everything in her mind seems to be the opposite of what she told me.
One day, as I pick her up for a street date, she threw back my stuff and she acted like crazy. We had a dialogue. She told me she can no longer be with me. She said it’s not me but her, yes, that typical line. I had the hint that she might think that I no longer wanted to be with her because she’s sick, but deep inside me, she never knew that I wanted to protect and care for her. But I did respect her decision. And at the end of our conversation, she broke up with me. I felt devastated. But I had the hope that maybe she just wanted space and maybe her mind will change in a day or two — but it didn’t.
I was sleepless that night. I reminisce the moments we’ve been through. I made up my mind, the next morning, I’ll come to her and I’ll fix this. I had to stand by her side through thick and thin. On my way to their home, I saw an ambulance. It was Pam. She was rushed to the hospital. My heart kept pounding hard. As we arrived, there were no sign of life in her. She had a heart attack. I couldn’t feel my knees at that moment. Tears fell from my eyes as I read a letter that her mother gave me. They found a letter beside her bed. She apologized that she broke up with me, and for breaking my heart. She said she had the feeling that she’s running out of time and that she might leave earth in 5 days. But she didn’t know that she just lasted 2 days. She revealed that she was diagnosed with a heart problem, and the doctor said that she might die of joy or pain. Either two can kill her. She chose pain. She broke up with me cause she thought that would make me hate her, so it will be easier for me to accept that she’s gone. Those were the subject of the letter.
At the end, there were few lines that almost break my heart, it says – I love you with all my heart. Sorry I have to leave soon. I can’t help but cry.
Days later, I was at the cemetery. I visited her. There was a message in her tomb that says “Love the heart that loves your heart” and again, tears fell from my eyes. As I look up at the sky, I saw a heart-shaped cloud.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Well, as much as I would like to post random thoughts, I’m being withheld again.. So, let me put it this way, I’ll just encourage my readers (that is, if I have any) to post their thoughts..
Well, people has always something to say, let’s face it. Whether you do good or not, the society always has something to raise their eyebrows to. We can’t please everybody, and yes, if you will mind the society, you might lose your heart and your own identity on the process of pleasing people. So why please them? Just be yourself. Speak your mind. Wear your heart out. But protect yourself at the same time. And yes, it’s a crazy multitasking to do.
I really don’t know how to start, I mean, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged and let my thoughts out, and since then, I’ve been living inside my head again, that my friends are asking how I am, etc. It’s just whenever I go through a lot of misjudgments, I shut up. That’s my way of protecting myself — shutting up. At least I can call it — Shutting up for a purpose.
Okay, when to shut up and when to break your silence. Well for me, I’d like to feel first if speaking up is a safe move or a risky one, shall the receiver of the message benefit on the message or will I just be hurting another heart? There’s so much to ask and to think before speaking up, but if it will do good to others, why shut up?
Besides, sometimes, a simple “how are you?” can go along way. Problem is, sometimes, we don’t know how to strike one. But of course, if someone matters a lot, it will be easy to break the ice. Yeah, but sometimes, you gotta give them space if you feel they need it.
So that’s all for now. I would like to encourage people to speak their mind, and please take your heart when you speak, so you won’t hurt another heart. Ü
Till next time,